[Silvercreek]

He must have had great physical skills.

[creeves]

I am a Registered Nurse and spent nearly 10 years working in the Duke Emergency Department. I spent countless hours listening to all kinds of stories.

Pt "I have a toothache."
Me Which tooth hurts sir?
PT-"Both of them."

Female w c/o abdominal pain. Me "Are you sexually active?"
Pt- "No. I just lay there."

Another female w abdominal pain. Me "Multiple sexual partners?"
Pt- "Well, just that one time."

Truck driver comments after rectal exam. "Woo!! Somebody back there owes me $50."

Me. "What brings you to the emergency department today?"
Pt- "I took a cab."

I could go on and on. One day after work I stopped at the store on the way home. At the checkout, the lady saw that I worked at Duke and commented "I bet you see a lot of interesting stuff." It had been on of those days when I had seen a lot of stupidity and told her so. She replied, "Let me tell you about stupid. A customer passed out in the floor recently and I went to help him. Another cashier came to help and I told her to call 911. She comes back a few moments later with the phone phone yelling 'I can't find the number!'

Sad bad true.

[Silvercreek]

I took an Ultrasound Course at Duke. While I was there, I saw a notice on the bulletin board that said that the employee meeting on on employee apathy was canceled due to lack of interest. No lie. I took it down and photocopied it for proof.

It remined me of bathroom grafiti. Someone had written, "What's worse, Ignorance or Apathy?" Someone else had retorted, "I don't know and I don't care!"

[BlueRaiderFan]

The other day I asked a coworker if he had seen my lab glasses and he pointed to the top of my head...

[ScoutHikerDad]

Okay, since we're talking about stupid things people do and say, I once paid for $10 worth of gas, then drove off without pumping it. A couple days later, when I noticed that I was driving on fumes, I was too embarrassed to go back. I mean, what could you even say?

Funniest graffiti I ever saw, written under a condom machine in a really nasty truck stop: "Don't buy this gum. It tastes awful."

[Riparian]

Not my story but pretty funny.

Guide: "SET THE HOOK!!!!!"

Client: "Why?"


Take Care,
Riparian

[fleming13]

So I used to drive trucks and deliver furniture. Not cheap furniture mind you, these folks had money. Not sure how in some cases. Anyway, I commented that I was an artist to one customer. As we were talking I told her I like to draw, but had to do most of my drawing at work. She looked at me and asked in all seriousness. "How do you draw AND drive the truck?" Um, I draw in the hotel room at night maam.

This happened to my mom who works in communications for the local PD.


911-"911 what's your emergency?"
Caller- "I'm going to kill myself"
911- "Please hold."
911- I have a possible suicide on the line.
Mom- What did you do with them?
911- I put them on hold, what do I do?

[rivergeezer]

Originally Posted by Silvercreek

Try using homophone in a sentence

Since the homophone wasn't working at the 'Y' I used the straight one.

[puddlejockey]

Since we're talking Metaphors and similies,

I thought I'd share.

From a novella I wrote back in 11th grade, partially as an English assignment gone haywire.

"..... the phone on Dirk's neglected desk rang to life,jarring him awake. The dust on it scattered like tots around a farter at recess...."

I got christmas cards from the teacher every year for about 9 years, reminding me of that line. ......